


Kitchen Nightmares

by cielsdemon



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Ciel is a disaster waiting to happen, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-15
Updated: 2014-08-15
Packaged: 2018-02-13 04:18:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2136729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cielsdemon/pseuds/cielsdemon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ciel decides to task himself with cooking his own breakfast.</p><p>He would prove to himself, and more importantly, to Sebastian, that he is in fact capable of fending for himself. He’s not a child and he won’t be forever treated like one.</p><p>How hard can it be?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Kitchen Nightmares

“Young master.”

 

Sebastian’s voice pulls him from a dream full of vague shadows and sounds as Ciel opens his eyes slowly, groaning. “What?” he whispers, squinting up at Sebastian.

 

“Apologies for the early hour, my lord. I’m going to meet with the head of contracting as you’ve asked of me but I didn’t want to leave you without breakfast. This morning we have…” Ciel tunes him out and rolls over, burrowing back into his blankets with a yawn. He startles slightly when Sebastian’s hand lands on his leg, accompanied by a quiet, “Master?”

 

“I’m awake,” Ciel mumbles. “Don’t you have a meeting to attend?”

 

There’s silence for a beat, and then: “Very well. I’ll return this afternoon.”

 

Ciel grunts softly and, immediately after hearing the door to his room close, slips back into sleep.

 

~~oOoOo~~

 

Two hours later, Ciel’s growling stomach wakes him up.

 

He sits up with a start, Sebastian’s name on the tip of his tongue until he remembers – he’s out on business. He sighs and rubs one hand over his eye, clearing the sleep from it before he reaches over to retrieve his patch. He secures it into place and yawns, swinging his feet over the side of the bed.

 

There’s a covered tray on a cart next to his bed. He peeks under it and grimaces. Whatever sweet breakfast Sebastian had created for him this morning is now flat and sickly looking. The sauce – syrup, perhaps? – is coagulated on top of it and dripping slowly onto the plate. “Gross.”

 

Ciel hops out of bed and heads to the wardrobe. Without Sebastian around to remake his breakfast, he’ll just have to take it upon himself to do so.

 

How hard can it be to prepare breakfast for one?

 

~~oOoOo~~

 

Ciel won’t deny he’s apprehensive. He’s only stepped into the kitchen once before and he didn’t attempt to touch a single thing. Now he’s going to not only touch things, but also try to make something with those things.

 

As he looks around, he’s actually quite impressed with how neat and organized everything is. This definitely won't be hard at all. Smirking to himself, Ciel moves to the large cooler where the perishables are kept. He curiously pokes his head in to see if anything catches his interest. Poaching a whole fish might be a bit out of his league, but he could certainly manage some eggs. He grabs a few and manages to drop all three of them trying to close the cooler door.

 

Well, he'll just leave that for Sebastian to clean up.

 

After finding a large enough bowl to put eggs in, Ciel returns to the cooler to retrieve more eggs. Satisfied with his plunder, he smugly turns around just to slip in his previous mess and fall to the ground, showering himself in eggs.

 

"Bloodly hell," he grumbles, swiping clear goop out of his eye. He pulls himself to his feet and finds a towel to wipe his face with before eyeing the kitchen with a new sort of determination.

 

These setbacks weren’t going to stop him, he would swear it. He would prove to himself, and more importantly, to Sebastian, that he is in fact capable of fending for himself. He’s not a child and he won’t be forever treated like one.

 

He steps back toward the cooler and pulls it open again, peering inside to see if there’s anything else in it he might be able to cook.

 

Bacon shouldn't be that difficult right? The concept is almost identical to that of cooking eggs – just throw it in a hot pan until it's finished cooking.  Simple.

 

The pan he eventually finds is much too large for such a small meal, but it can't be helped. All the smaller pans are out of his reach, high in cabinets over his head. Using both hands to lift the pan up, he sets it on top of a burner on the oven.  He drops several thick slices of bacon into the pan, turns on the burner and smiles to himself.

 

With the bacon sizzling away in its pan, Ciel realizes that he’s going to need a plate if he wants to be able to eat his hard won breakfast. Frowning slightly, he looks up at the plates in the china cabinet and sighs. He hasn’t seen a single stool since setting foot in the kitchen and, with a scoff at his own naivety, realizes that Sebastian must have no need for one.

 

“Bloody giraffe,” he mutters, searching for something to use in place of a proper stool. There’s a half full sack of potatoes leaning against the cooler, so Ciel grabs that and drags it through the mess of eggs he’s made to drop it beside the cabinet.

 

Using the sack, he's able to reach a plate, fingers only just curling around the edge of one before the bag shifts under him and he slams into the cabinet. He has a second to think _oh hell_ before the china begins to rattle, and he barely manages to jump back out of the way in time to have gravity take over. The wobbling cabinet crashes to the floor with a thunderous bang and Ciel winces.

 

That was the good china.

 

The smell of burnt meat hits his nose as he’s surveying the damage and wondering how much exactly he’ll need to pay to have a replacement set sent to him. His head whips around so quickly he’s briefly worried he’s hurt himself, but there is _no way_ he’s going to let his second attempt at breakfast be ruined as well.

 

With a low curse, Ciel runs over to the oven to try to save his meats, but it's too late. With a defeated sigh, he tries to move the pan off the oven, but without the help of the potato sack, he's not quiet tall enough. He loses his grip with the cloth mitts and the pan slips from his hands with a crash, sending hot oil spitting across the floor along with his burnt bacon.

 

Ciel sighs.

 

Ah well, just more cleanup for Sebastian.

 

He turns the burner off with a quiet click and steps back, confusion wrinkling his brow when the flame under it stays lit. No matter how many times he turns the dial the little fire won't go out. More than a little frustrated at this point, Ciel purses his lips and blows out the flame. "There,” he says, smug. “That problem is solved. “

 

As Ceil observes the chaos around him he figures, maybe cooking is out of the question. Eyeing the upper cabinets – further out of his reach than the china cabinet – he thinks maybe there will be something inside that’s pre-packaged.

 

His thus far very helpful sack of potatoes isn’t going to help him this time. He’s not sure that a chair will, either. These cabinets are _very_ tall. Ciel considers for a moment or two, then moves the entire table to the corner of the room, pressing it up against the counter. He uses a chair to get onto the table and the table to climb onto the counter and from there his search begins.

 

Heart sinking, he hangs onto the cabinet door and leans backward, frowning at the mess of unidentifiable herbs and spices in front of him. None of these are edible on their own and he’s growing rather worried that he’ll starve before he finds something to eat in this kitchen.

 

_Creak_

 

“Uh oh.”

 

Ciel realizes a moment too late that using the cabinet door handle to support him was a very bad idea.

 

He falls backward with a yell and the force of the impact knocks the air clear out of his lungs. He coughs into his bent arm several times before he manages to catch his breath and sit up.

 

Bloody hell. At least the table caught him and he didn’t land on the floor. If Sebastian had found him with a sprained wrist or other such injury he’d have never heard the end of it.

 

 After hauling himself up, he begins to move from the center of the table to the edge.

 

_Crack_

 

“Oh _no_.”

 

Once again, Ciel finds himself lying on his back staring up at the ceiling, only this time he’s in a pile of splintered wood and his own beaten down pride.

 

Apparently, cooking for one is more of a chore than he gives Sebastian credit for. Ciel scoffs.  He’d sooner eat his hat than say that within earshot of the demon. No need to make his head any bigger than it already is.

 

Ciel rises to his feet unsteadily and glances around the ruins he’s made of the kitchen. There isn’t anything else he can do. The eggs were a disaster, the bacon even moreso, and he can’t even manage to search for food without breaking something. Contrary to popular belief, he does know when he’s beaten and he has to admit that the kitchen has won this round.

 

He heaves a sigh and turns to leave, and as he does, his eye catches on the closed door of the pantry. With a sinking feeling turning his stomach, he realizes he could have grabbed something out of the pantry and saved himself the trouble of trying to cook.

 

Ciel smacks a hand into the side of his face and walks over to open the door and claim his prize. Chocolate almond biscuits. A well-deserved treat, he thinks as he leaves the kitchen, the box clutched to his chest.

 

~~oOoOo~~

 

Ciel has happily munched his way through an entire sleeve of the sweets when he feels more than hears an explosion that shakes the entire manor.

 

Hearing yelling outside, he swivels his chair to face the window and watches, awestruck, as Baldroy and Finny try to put out the fire left in the wake of what he _thinks_ used to be their oven. For a moment, Ciel appraises the literal line of fire and destruction the oven left in his yard, then shrugs.

 

Sebastian will clean that up, too.

  
 ~~oOoOo~~

 

“Sebastian I swear I didn’t make _all_ of this mess! I came in ‘ere to get a drink and the place was…” Baldroy’s voice pitches up as he tries to explain the destruction he saw and Ciel can barely understand a word he says.

 

“Only the oven is your fault, then?” He hears Sebastian’s smooth voice cut through Baldroy’s panic and Ciel takes a step forward. He presses up against the doorway and peers around it at what’s left of the kitchen.

 

“I went to light me cigarette and the thing just… _KABOOM_! I barely escaped with me life!”

 

Ciel can’t hear what Sebastian says from where he’s standing, but he sees Sebastian loom forward as Baldroy steps back. “It wasn’t me!” their chef insists, raising his hands in surrender.

 

“I won’t ask you again. Clean up this mess.”

 

“But _Sebastian–_ ”

 

Ciel clears his throat before Sebastian starts thinking more intimately about murdering Baldroy. He raises an eyebrow and Sebastian immediately sweeps forward, stepping delicately over shards of glass and splintered wood.

 

“Ah, master. Do step back, I wouldn’t want you to hurt yourself. Baldroy will have this mess cleaned up as soon as possible.”

 

“Oi!”

 

“It was me,” Ciel states plainly, voice clear and loud over Baldroy’s protests.

 

“ _You?_ ” Sebastian echoes, incredulous.

 

“Yes, me. You left without feeding me properly and I took it upon myself to make breakfast.”

 

“You…” Sebastian looks at the destruction around them, eyes widening. A bird twitters as it flies past the gaping hole the oven made in the wall when it exploded. “You managed…all of this? In just one morning?”

 

Ciel smirks. “If I couldn’t manage the destruction of a single room in a few short hours, what sort of Phantomhive would I be?”

 

The look on Sebastian’s face is a priceless mixture of incredulity and absolute annoyance.  He has obviously realized he can no longer justify forcing Baldroy to clean up, and so must do it himself.

 

“Clean this up,” Ciel says, turning around to leave. “And I’m hungry, Sebastian. Make me something to eat.” He looks over his shoulder at Sebastian. “That’s an order.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> Be sure to check out [our blog](http://cielsbitch.tumblr.com) and, you know, follow it. If you're into that.
> 
> Thanks for reading!


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